Puppy Surprise Toy TV Television Commercial from 1992.
What exactly about the birthing process do toy companies perceive to be so child-friendly? Aside from the fact that labor begets a child, that is. Children are both innocent and inquisitive, and parents have a hell of a time balancing those two conflicting natures without sadistic toy manufacturers coming in and mucking it up with biologically confusing playthings.
In the late 80s and early 90s, Hasbro came up with a glorious marketing scheme guaranteed to disappoint one in five children. “What if we had this animal doll,” a Hasbro rep would suggest excitedly. “That has babies inside of it?” The guy at the head of the table would clasp and unclasp his hands, asking thoughtfully, “But how would the children extract the babies?”
A fine question indeed, guy at the head of the table. I’ll tell you how. In a natural order-defying act of toy bizarreness, the good people of Hasbro developed a velcro-adhered pouch that children could simply open and close as they please. As you can imagine, this led to inevitable confusion about birthing. A whole slew of Puppy Surprise-toting kids spent years thinking that when you’re done playing with a baby, you can simply shove it back into the womb. No problem here.
The “surprise” element of Puppy Surprise referred to the fact that the doll could contain three, four, or five puppies. Kids are fairly simple creatures, and are thus easy to persuade that more equals better. In fact, every child was convinced that as special as he or she was, it was only fair that their doll contained the maximum of five puppies. You can bet parents had a swell old time consoling these children when their doll (as most did) contained a scant three puppies.
Three puppies? Don’t insult me, Hasbro. What can I do with three puppies? Five, now that’s a fun toy. But three? Come on.
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